Sincere negative feedback is a gift
I've been an advocate for positive reinforcement for a while now. It all started when I realized I think a lot of good things about the people around me and I don't say many of those things out loud. Paying a compliment or taking time to notice someone's efforts also makes me feel good, so there's the underlying selfish factor involved as well.
When someone pays you a sincere compliment, it'll help you to build further on your strengths. However, this is a slow process, because you might need to try a lot of things before finding the right path to set your foot onto.
We generally like to think we don't need other people's approval to do things, but humans naturally mirror off of each other in good and bad throughout our lives, so you might as well use it for your advantage.
In the recent times I've come to understand that we should not only say the positive things about each other, but we should generally learn to accept negative constructive feedback, too, because that is actually what speeds things up for you.
Take Elon Musk for example. To quote him:
Musk goes on saying he is actively seeking out and listening negative feedback. Listening what's good in the product can only help you know what you're doing right. Sometimes though, there's something inexplicably off with your work and you just can't put your finger on it, because more often than not we become blind to our own work. Negative feedback particularly from friends is possibly the biggest asset you can have.
Yet we have to be precise when we decide to exercise this.
1) Preferably only do it when requested. If you're very good friends with someone, you might suggest to make a bond where both parties are brutally honest in the areas both have agreed on, such as work.
2) Needless to say, even if you were to choose to make easy enemies and giving negative feedback at any given situation, always leave children, young adults and vulnerable people out of it. People who can take negative feedback are those that are secure in themselves and can handle the well-meant advice, whereas people that are not entirely secure about who they really are, need to be built up. So always, always concentrate on their strengths instead of their flaws. When a vulnerable person asks for an advice, look for ways to reinforce what they already know well and what they could potentially learn next, based on the current set of skills. When this is done well, in time they'll grow secure of their own strengths.
3) Feedback only on things that aren't set in stone. If you feedback on something that is extremely essential to something or nearly impossible to change, it might create an unnecessary knot in someone's work that will require extreme efforts to be solved. Yet remember especially for yourself when receiving negative feedback that people are masters of making excuses in the things they don't want to change, but might need to be changed nonetheless.
Negative feedback hurts, because we tend to think we know better. Otherwise we wouldn't be making the choices we're making. When we're told we're wrong, it's humiliating and we do our best to avoid that at all costs, even when we eventually might come to understand we're wrong. To quote this brilliant article:
Luckily, there are efficient ways of dealing with unpleasant emotions. First, ask yourself "why does this hurt?" Name that emotion! Labeling makes all the difference, because once we give a name to what's bugging us, we become the masters of it and the emotion significantly loses power. The silver lining? This is not only my attempt of being right, but there's actual science backing this up.
Learn to see the negative feedback as positive by reminding yourself it's there to help you grow into a better version of yourself. No one is perfect and absolutely no one is ever ready in life. There is always room to grow. Understand the negative feedback is not a personal attack against you. Sometimes though you'll feel the negative feedback is totally off. When this happens, dump it and move on. Others aren't always right, either.
When someone pays you a sincere compliment, it'll help you to build further on your strengths. However, this is a slow process, because you might need to try a lot of things before finding the right path to set your foot onto.
We generally like to think we don't need other people's approval to do things, but humans naturally mirror off of each other in good and bad throughout our lives, so you might as well use it for your advantage.
 |
| Image: pixabay.com |
Sincere negative feedback makes all the difference
In the recent times I've come to understand that we should not only say the positive things about each other, but we should generally learn to accept negative constructive feedback, too, because that is actually what speeds things up for you.
Take Elon Musk for example. To quote him:
"...really pay attention to negative feedback, and solicit it, particularly from friends. This may sound like simple advice, but hardly anyone does that, and it’s incredibly helpful."
Musk goes on saying he is actively seeking out and listening negative feedback. Listening what's good in the product can only help you know what you're doing right. Sometimes though, there's something inexplicably off with your work and you just can't put your finger on it, because more often than not we become blind to our own work. Negative feedback particularly from friends is possibly the biggest asset you can have.
 |
| Image: pixabay.com |
1) Preferably only do it when requested. If you're very good friends with someone, you might suggest to make a bond where both parties are brutally honest in the areas both have agreed on, such as work.
2) Needless to say, even if you were to choose to make easy enemies and giving negative feedback at any given situation, always leave children, young adults and vulnerable people out of it. People who can take negative feedback are those that are secure in themselves and can handle the well-meant advice, whereas people that are not entirely secure about who they really are, need to be built up. So always, always concentrate on their strengths instead of their flaws. When a vulnerable person asks for an advice, look for ways to reinforce what they already know well and what they could potentially learn next, based on the current set of skills. When this is done well, in time they'll grow secure of their own strengths.
3) Feedback only on things that aren't set in stone. If you feedback on something that is extremely essential to something or nearly impossible to change, it might create an unnecessary knot in someone's work that will require extreme efforts to be solved. Yet remember especially for yourself when receiving negative feedback that people are masters of making excuses in the things they don't want to change, but might need to be changed nonetheless.
But it hurts so bad
People generally don't want to hear what doesn't work, because it's painful. However, when negative feedback is coming from a friend or someone sincere, it should be treated as a gift. Sincere negative feedback is so much more valuable than insincere positive feedback, although we generally like to hear the latter a lot more.
"You could argue that life is all about being right. We try to choose the right career, make the right assumptions, say the right things, every moment of every day. And because it’s so important to us to be right, we sometimes do anything it takes to stay that way— including defending ourselves when we’re wrong."
Luckily, there are efficient ways of dealing with unpleasant emotions. First, ask yourself "why does this hurt?" Name that emotion! Labeling makes all the difference, because once we give a name to what's bugging us, we become the masters of it and the emotion significantly loses power. The silver lining? This is not only my attempt of being right, but there's actual science backing this up.
Learn to see the negative feedback as positive by reminding yourself it's there to help you grow into a better version of yourself. No one is perfect and absolutely no one is ever ready in life. There is always room to grow. Understand the negative feedback is not a personal attack against you. Sometimes though you'll feel the negative feedback is totally off. When this happens, dump it and move on. Others aren't always right, either.
 |
| Image: pixabay.com |
So how to succeed fast?
Consult a friend and ask them their utterly honest opinion. You might be surprised to hear they've seen all along where you might be going wrong, yet to spare your feelings and the friendship they have remained silent.
Another way to learn this quick is to move to the Netherlands, where honest, straightforward feedback in good and bad are an essential part of any Dutch conversation. The Netherlands will hurt you, make your skin thicker and in the end help you grow. In this light it's no wonder the Netherlands are known for their innovating, because it'll simply squeeze it out of you. But that's a whole other story...
Another way to learn this quick is to move to the Netherlands, where honest, straightforward feedback in good and bad are an essential part of any Dutch conversation. The Netherlands will hurt you, make your skin thicker and in the end help you grow. In this light it's no wonder the Netherlands are known for their innovating, because it'll simply squeeze it out of you. But that's a whole other story...
Are you my friend or otherwise a sincere person who wants to help me grow? Then feel free to leave your constructive feedback about this article underneath.
Comments
Post a Comment