You can always go back to square one - but why bother
I left Finland more than ten years ago. In a way it was a sudden decision, although the need for me to leave had been bubbling up for years prior to the actual moment. I spent my 17th birthday in Italy as an exchange student and ever since that year abroad I had been longing to go on another adventure. The chance presented itself in a form of a lovely Dutch man when I was in my 20's and without hesitating, I took it.
Back then my friends and even total strangers that found out about me leaving told me I was being very brave. They all comforted me with the words "at least you're trying and you know you can always come back to Finland". I took these words with me as a safety net, never really weighing them until the moment I really wanted to go back.
The first time I felt like returning to Finland was only a year or two after my initial arrival. As one that has been through an official program of exchange students, I have had to attend teaching seminars of what it means to experience home sickness, what is natural and what is a part of a culture shock. All of it was clear to me on paper, but it didn't stop the longing - merely it dialed it down.
The hardest part I had somewhere after five years into staying in the Netherlands. I was telling my husband about why we needed to go to Finland and he did his utmost best in applying different positions there. He's highly educated, has great connections and is a very smart dude in his field, but somehow the Finnish companies and universities didn't understand his value and he wasn't rewarded with a position.
Because I had no means of keeping up our level of income by myself, it was out of the question that I'd provide to all of us if we were to return to Finland. Unfortunately so - and thus we always stayed put.
It was the first time I realized the saying "you can always come back" really meant going back to square one. I could return, but not as a dynamical family like we'd built for ourselves over the years. It was one of those jaw-dropping realizations. Going back literally meant going back to what it had been. I could always go back to that, but heaven's no I'd actually want to go back there.
I still sometimes miss living in Finland, but I know from my earlier experience that if we were to return, it would probably be only a matter of time when the soles of my feet would start longing for yet another adventure outside the safety zone. They always have and I have no reason to suspect why they always wouldn't.
Realizing that I had been hanging onto the wrong words of wisdom taught me two things in the end:
1) Never trust an opinion that sounds like a saying, because those who speak it don't know what the heck they're talking about, and
2) Often going back is really really not worth it.
Back then my friends and even total strangers that found out about me leaving told me I was being very brave. They all comforted me with the words "at least you're trying and you know you can always come back to Finland". I took these words with me as a safety net, never really weighing them until the moment I really wanted to go back.
The first time I felt like returning to Finland was only a year or two after my initial arrival. As one that has been through an official program of exchange students, I have had to attend teaching seminars of what it means to experience home sickness, what is natural and what is a part of a culture shock. All of it was clear to me on paper, but it didn't stop the longing - merely it dialed it down.
The hardest part I had somewhere after five years into staying in the Netherlands. I was telling my husband about why we needed to go to Finland and he did his utmost best in applying different positions there. He's highly educated, has great connections and is a very smart dude in his field, but somehow the Finnish companies and universities didn't understand his value and he wasn't rewarded with a position.
Because I had no means of keeping up our level of income by myself, it was out of the question that I'd provide to all of us if we were to return to Finland. Unfortunately so - and thus we always stayed put.
It was the first time I realized the saying "you can always come back" really meant going back to square one. I could return, but not as a dynamical family like we'd built for ourselves over the years. It was one of those jaw-dropping realizations. Going back literally meant going back to what it had been. I could always go back to that, but heaven's no I'd actually want to go back there.
I still sometimes miss living in Finland, but I know from my earlier experience that if we were to return, it would probably be only a matter of time when the soles of my feet would start longing for yet another adventure outside the safety zone. They always have and I have no reason to suspect why they always wouldn't.
Realizing that I had been hanging onto the wrong words of wisdom taught me two things in the end:
1) Never trust an opinion that sounds like a saying, because those who speak it don't know what the heck they're talking about, and
2) Often going back is really really not worth it.
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